what kind of message do we send?

My husband and I were talking with friends this past weekend and landed on the subject of the evangelical Church (note the big “c” — this refers to the corporate, large church, not a specific place of worship). One of our friends mentioned that oftentimes, Evangelicalism has defined itself by what it’s *against* and thereby gone negative, issuing sentiments and ideas that it’s all about what you can’t or shouldn’t do.

This got me thinking: what exactly has the Church done? We (the Church) have said that we are *against abortion, *against homosexuality, *against promiscuity, ad infinitum. But what are we (the Church) for? While the negative message has been quite loud, the positive side of the equation simply has not been discussed — at least, not nearly as loudly as the negative. So are we (the Church) for healthy married sexuality? Are we (the Church) for discussing married sex in a healthy way? Sadly, I think the answer is “not really.” :( I think the negative message has influenced far more than the positive one, as evidenced by how many live their lives in fear of judgment (from other believers) and how many seemingly lack joy and enthusiasm about their marriages.

And while I write mostly about healing and sexual addiction, I’m here to tell you that I am for healthy, hot married sex. I cannot speak to the Church at large, and I cannot change the overall perception or attitudes. But I can begin to change attitudes in my little corner of the world. I can speak of what I believe, and have a positive, healthy attitude about my sex life, but also about married sex in general. Married sex can be (should be!) hot and spicy, and simultaneously for believers, God-positive. When you are intimate with your spouse, it’s not as though God says, “Ewww. Look at what they’re doing. I’m outta here!” He created married sex, blessed it, and heartily approves. And, as I’m reading in Sheet Music, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. There is more on this, but other writers have said it better than I can in this short post.

You’ll notice that I’ve changed my blogroll a bit in the sidebar. The groups that deal with sexual addiction are still there, but I’ve changed it to separate out those who write sex-positive messages within a healthy, married context. So if you’re looking for ways to increase your knowledge and/or learn more about what God wants for your marriage, read on, McDuff!

And for those who have encouraged me along the way, I give props: SW, the Nympho Girls, and the boards at TMB. These aren’t the only ones, but these are a few of the earliest influences in my newly-awakened life. Check out the sidebar and find healthy, hope-filled, and positive messages regarding sexuality. Your libido is a gift from God and deserves to be examined, explored, and celebrated.

His and his,

This entry was posted on 231519H Sep 2008 and is filed under Awakening, Marriage Building. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

  • http://christianstudman.blogspot.com Who Am I

    I so agree with your idea that the church needs to spend more time promoting healthy sexuality.

  • Cinnamon Sticks

    This is a great post Cori!!!! I am becoming more and more passionate about seeing the church freed to discuss godly sexuality in a healthy way. Your point about how much more strongly the church has voiced its “against” vote over its “for” vote is so true. You expressed it well.

  • cori

    I am becoming more and more passionate about this topic (pun fully intended!), because I know so many women who are in joyless marriages and in bondage to judgment from others and fear of exploring their own married sexuality.

    You and the other Spice Sisters have made a huge impact on me, and I’m thankful for what you do. :) Keep up the good work!

    His and his,

  • Cinnamon Sticks


    I have wondered if God is getting me ready for something more public, but I am torn. The main reason why I have such freedom online is because of the anonymity. Not sure what I would do if that was gone…

    Anyway, blessings to you. I love your heart. Thanks for sharing it.

  • http://sensuouswife.blogspot.com Sensuous Wife

    Being “for” something is so beautiful and compelling. I’m all about freedom and life and joy and healing and I celebrate you Cori–and your freedom your joy your life your healing. By sharing your story, you are offering beauty to so many.
    Lots of love,

    PS I hear you, Cinnamon Sticks. Email me anytime.

  • Cinnamon Sticks

    Thanks Shula.

  • Cinnamon Sticks

    Hey Cori,
    I wanted to let you know that I have continued to reflect on what you said here about the church being more known for what it is against, than for what it is for and it has resonated in me very deeply. Thanks again for sharing it.
    I am going to be speaking on the radio on Monday and may reference this idea. Do you want me to keep your name out of it, or should I say “My friend Cori was saying…” It’s up to you. Let me know. I have included my CN email address which you can use.