more transparency

We’ve been having dinner with friends from our church – or, more specifically, friends who are on staff at our church. Our goal has been to build a relationship, absolutely, but also to give them a safe place to “be themselves” as they struggle with a situation in their family. A beautiful friendship has blossomed out of our meals and conversations, which is lovely.

So last night, as we’re dining and sipping tea (we can easily polish off about 8 pots of tea between the four of us), the conversation turns sexual. Not in an icky, squicky sort of way, but in an honest appraisal of where the Church is on the topic, how we’ve messed up in the past, and how God is redeeming it all. And the topic of Ted Haggard comes up – apparently, he was on Oprah yesterday. Who knew? (I never have the TV on – it seems like a slow torture to me anymore.) And so as we talked, my husband and I exchanged glances and he dove deep. I told him later as we snuggled in bed that I was a little surprised at the level to which he went (he didn’t reveal all of his struggle, but most of it), to which he said, “That’s the only way to build relationship – to be honest – right?”

Yeah, he’s right.

And so as he shared and I interjected little bits here and there, our friends mouths gaped a bit, but ultimately, as we’ve striven to be a safe place for them, they were able to extend the same to us. Their warmth and understanding – compassion and love – encouraged us. One other staff member knows a bit of our struggle, but not the whole of it. I suspect in the coming weeks and months we spend with this couple, the full of it will come out. Which is okay – as the husband of the couple said when he looked at me and heard what God was calling me to in terms of another degree, doing therapy, writing, and speaking, “You’re going to be The Wounded Healer.” I’m okay talking about my wounds – especially as I see God’s hand knitting them back together. And I like the idea of being able to minister healing out of my scarred past – I’ve written before how a scar ultimately becomes a place of strength; stronger than the original tissue that was damaged.

But I’m really proud of my husband and where he is right now. We’re both a little nervous about the upcoming Theophostic appointment (who dives right in to new experiences without a little trepidation?), but that aside, he’s allowing God to do some heavy-duty work and out of that comes his willingness to be transparent.

It’s good. It’s healthy. And it’s freeing.

And for that, I’m thankful.

His and his,
~Cori .

This entry was posted on 221655H Apr 2009 and is filed under Forgiveness, Marriage Building, Sexual Brokenness, SSA, Theophostic Prayer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

  • Sensuous Wife

    So proud of you, darlin’

  • Neko-chan

    transparency… it truly is a wonderful and scary thing… kudos to you and your DH for taking that plunge. May much good fruit come from it! :)

  • Chosen

    You will be following in sacred footsteps to be “the wounded healer” ~ not our favorite way to be Christlike, but there it is. A dear friend just recently told me “In my opinion, only broken people really understand other broken people.” I believe there is truth in that…and a way to redeem the wounds and brokenness.

  • The Groom

    Transparency is hard for me. Your husband is right. It’s the only way to build relationships and I’m glad that the Lord is giving you both the freedom to find those you trust enough to show yourselves to, and that they are holding that trust.