Heading Back to Midland (plus Catching Up)

I haven’t done much writing on this blog for while – we’re moving forward in our new location, with a new congregation, and with a new group of friends and are muddling through fairly well.  We’re about to embark upon a new segment of our journey in a new form of therapy, but we have to figure out the logistics of it (childcare, time, distance, etc.).

Why the therapy if we’re doing well?  It’s become increasingly apparent that the abuse my husband suffered is farther-reaching than we first thought. He’s become a new person since unlocking the secrets his mind held from him, but there is more.  His memory gap goes up until about age 9, coincidentally, the age at which he ceased sucking his thumb.  The abuse started at about age 2.5-3 and continued on for many years – the only memories my husband has are those that were commonly spoken of in the family or ones he can associate with photos of an event.  Other than that, he’s got nothing.

So we have reached out to a therapist in our new locale who practices a type of therapy in the Emotional Freedom Technique-vein.  It sounds weird, but it’s regionally tapping on the body while talking about events in life and reprogramming one’s mind.  There’s something about tapping systematically that allows the mind to release what it’s hiding and the negative beliefs about oneself leave as well.  It is interesting, as this is a faith-based program, and my husband is excited about the potential.

He commented a week or so ago, “I can’t imagine WHAT I can do and WHO I can finally be once this is behind me!”  His desire to pursue this is huge and he so very much wants to see what he can achieve with his healed self.  So we’ll be pursuing that – and chances are, I’ll be decompressing here when we do.  This is a safe outlet for me and one where our journey can encourage others simultaneously.

We’re also headed back to Midland, TX for the Marriage & Mentors Conference by CrossPower Ministries.  We went last year and absolutely were blown away with all the church did for us, a couple affected by SGA. They didn’t know us from Adam & Eve and absolutely loved us like no one had before.  We learned much (it was like drinking from a fire hydrant for three days) and returned home as two very different people – willing to take down our masks and let ourselves be known for who we are and what we deal with.

God has cleared the way for this year’s trip as well – care for our son, a fare (on our favourite carrier) that we could afford, and even a deal on parking at the airport that gives us a 67% savings!  :)  Now that the airfare is purchased, I’m breathing a sigh of relief and can actually start to get a little excited for the trip.

So  we’re hanging in there and feel like we’re in a good place.  We continue to learn and find new things (daily) that force us to rely on God alone for strength and power, but we know He’s here with us, guiding us and getting us ready for our next step..

This entry was posted on 081913H Mar 2011 and is filed under Path to Healing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

  • Deon

    I could never tell you in the space I have here how much your blog has touched my life. I found out in January of this year that my husband has struggled with same sex attraction for as far back as he can remember, and that he has been addicted to pornography for all of the eight years of our marriage. I won’t go into all of it here, but the way I found out was hurtful and felt like a bitter betrayal. However, my husband is a man of God, loves the Lord, and I knew then in my heart that God had led us to this point and had opened this wound so that we both could begin the path of healing together.
    My husband and I had begun seeing a therapist immediately but financially we knew that wasn’t going to be able to continue for very long. I was desperate for someone to talk to, a place I could unload, without fear of judgement or contempt. I began praying that God would guide us to a therapist or a pastor or SOMEONE that could give us insight in a way we could afford and that would genuinely help us. I scoured the internet daily, trying to find out all I could about this struggle that I had never even known existed 2 months prior. While researching SSA in February I stumbled upon your blog and began reading and weeping instantly with the connection I felt to the emotions you share here. It was in one of those early February readings that I came across your mention of the conference in Midland. I watched the video that was on your page and sat on my couch, crying. I went to the church’s website to find out about the conference this year and found out it was at the end of March. My first thought was to focus on the impossibility of that! I’m a stay-at-home mom and money is ALWAYS tight with us. I knew there was no way that we could come up with the money and resources to get us to Midland in under 2 months. But then I remembered those were your exact thoughts in your blog when you had found out about the conference the year before during the exact same month of February. God spoke peace to my heart and encouragement to my soul. I prayed and sought His guidance. As soon as my husband got home from work, I shared your blog with him, and the CPM video. He cried so hard after watching it that he couldn’t speak. We both knew immediately that God was going to get us there. And He did! We will be flying out of Nashville on March 31, headed for Midland Texas. We’re excited, and anxious, and…so many things at once!
    I know you enjoy the freedom that your anonymity gives you here, and I completely understand that, and even covet it for myself as an outlet!
    However, I would so love to give you a huge hug at the conference! If you are so inclined, and you find me at some point, amongst the 70 couples attending the conference next weekend, I hope you will give me that opportunity!
    If you read this before Sunday, please pray for me. I’m at my parent’s house in Kentucky right now through Sunday helping my mother with a banquet at her church. I really feel God’s leading to share this burden with her. But I don’t know how. I don’t want to tarnish my husband’s character to her. He is alright with my talking to her, but we both only want it to happen if it’s right with God’s timing. I only want to say what is necessary but it’s so difficult to know where to begin? I feel that “God’s timing” may definitely happen within the next 48 hours, and I’m a nervous wreck because of that. I so bad want to completely give it to God, but I’m so fearful of the outcome and how this could dramatically change things. I shouldn’t fear it, for God has worked so much out in the last 4 weeks that I don’t know how it is hard for me to trust Him! But my flesh fails. Prayer is much coveted!
    Again, thank you so much for allowing God to use you through this blog. I look forward to being with you next weekend…even if I never know it!

  • cori

    oh, my sweet friend,

    Your words are a balm to my heart – my husband and I sat here and wept at your words. That our journey would be so instrumental in your healing and in your journey is both amazing and a blessing to to us, and it makes it all worthwhile.

    You’re right in that I do appreciate and enjoy the anonymity I have here, but there will be a day in the future when I remove my mask. In the meantime, IRL, I am happy to do that and share myself. I will look for you at the conference – I am always wearing skirts and have long red hair (that will likely be tied up). I’ll look for you, too – hopefully, we’ll connect in Midland. :)

    Many hugs and prayers for you on your path…

  • http://deliberatelydeon@blogspot.com Deon

    I’m so glad it was an encouragement to you! I know that’s what Peter and I have needed most of all lately; encouragement and knowing we are not alone in our battle.
    My husband is truly my best friend and we both know without a doubt that it was and is God’s plan for us to be together. Even though the struggle and path has been difficult, I can also be grateful that I am now able to help my husband on his bad days. Once I got passed the bigger part of the hurt and disillusionment, my heart ached for the years my husband has struggled alone and in pain, fearing that he would be ostracized by the church and most everyone he knows. We’ve actually been at a new church for the past 2 years, one that is much more loving and supportive than our previous one will probably ever be. My husband was the Youth Pastor at our previous church for 11 years and he knew that people would turn their back on him before they offered any sort of encouragement or help. God’s timing in all of this continues to astound us. We both work currently in the childrens ministry at our current church and we love it! I know our Pastor will be very supportive and loving. We plan on talking to him very soon.
    I’ve gotten butterflies in my tummy every time today that I’ve thought about the fact that the conference is only 4 days away! Peter and I have both said that we are excited about it, but, with that also comes the trepidation of what else will be unveiled in the process! All in God’s timing and His way, right?!
    My talk with my mother went very well this weekend! She loves my husband and respects him and that helped tremendously. She listened with an open heart and wanted to know how she could help. My mother was also sexually abused as a child (like my husband was) and she immediately felt for him. Thank you for your prayers on that regard. My husband was a nervous wreck about it and it worked out fine in the end!
    Continue to pray for us…we’ll be busy, busy, busy the next few days in preparation for the conference. We lead a Bible study on Monday nights, and then we have to make arrangements for our 2 kids and dog! I’ll be praying for you two and your arrangements and traveling as well! Looking forward to meeting you!