Some days after our return from vacation and to a semi-normalized existence, I was reading this post at Sensuous Wife’s blog. Sensuous Wife’s story is amazing and I found myself re-reading her testimony of survival several times during that day. I never made it through once without crying, and I realized shortly after my husband got home that there was a reason for my tears.
SW refers to a quote from Chuck Swindoll and says that there is a time in our lives when we fight giants and pull thorns. I knew that fighting giants wasn’t really where I was, but God spoke to my heart and confirmed the analogy of pulling thorns.
I felt God tell me that the “thorns” in my heart were things that were said or done to me that had pierced my heart (but I had either ignored or pretended they “didn’t matter”), and that had grown over the years. They were old, woody-looking, and in the shape of very sharp golf-tees. Each of them (I counted 8 in total) were piercing the flesh of my heart and had grown with the lifeblood my heart pumped. Each of the thorns had infection and oozing blood at the base of the wound(s), and each of them needed to be pulled and the wounds debrided.
Nevertheless, I was frightened. I walked downstairs where my husband was IM’g his brother who was halfway around the world in Asia. With tears in my eyes I told him that we needed to talk; that without going in to too many details (because our son was in the room and was all ears), there were things that I had to work on … NOW. It simply couldn’t wait. What God wanted me to do needed my full-on attention.
Before dinner, he shot a quick IM to his brother and asked him to pray for me, indicating he would share more details later. That dear brother-in-law of mine did just that. I was so blessed. When he was getting ready for his day (because Asia is 12 hours ahead of where we live), God gave him a vision of me standing in front of a very large angel. The angel was towering over me and protecting me (wrapping me, really) in his incredibly large wings, encasing me in their security. In one hand, he held a very large flaming sword, and the words that my BIL heard were, “This is my daughter … she is under My protection and none shall hurt her.”
I was so touched by this — God cared enough about what I was about to do while holding His hand that He gave words to my husband’s brother, halfway around the world? Incredible! As I’m absorbing this (and crying more), God gave my BIL even more for me. He received a bit of prophecy and was faithful to type it as he heard God’s voice. So here it is… my husband was reading it to me line by line as it came in, and all I could do was sit on the sofa, soak it in, and cry in thanksgiving to such a loving Father.
My dearest daughter, you are dealing with experiences of the past
and voices of the present
that tell you
you are less than who you really are
they cloud you ears so you cannot hear My voice
and My words of love for you
I have chosen you My child
as one of My precious mothers
caring for a gift from Me
and sharing My heart with others
what more could I ask
the images in your head and heart are distracting you from My cleansing water
My shed blood
you are whole and clean and pure
in Me and by My might
I love you with an everlasting love
and I intend to never forsake you
Your heart aches
for closeness and acceptance and reassurance
and I tell you it is on its way
I am doing a work in your family
that will bring you to your knees in joy and celebration
I know the longings of your heart and I have ways to bring those to fruition
My plans are in motion
when your eyes are on Me you will see how complete and whole I have made you
do not look to the left nor the right
for there you will be distracted
I am shielding you on the left and right
so that you keep looking at Me and My plan for you
My angel is there to keep back those things that try to encroach on your peace
but he is also there to remind you not to look away from Me
not left not right
but straight at Me and My plan for you and My love for you
Cori, I am touching your heart and soul at this moment
softening them for new growth
tilling the soil for future plantings and abundant crops that you will yeild in My Name
I have not forgotten your desires
and your deep dream
I know the depths of your heart
lay your plans at My feet and let Me lead
let Me find ways to honour your desires
let go of what you are holding so tightly and give it to Me
and see what I give back in return
let go, look forward, and see My goodness, My dear child
This message from God lined up so directly with what I knew God was asking me to do that I simply sat there in awe with tears running down my cheeks. The “tilling of the soil” of my soul was exactly what I knew needed to happen, and as my husband read this to me, in my spirit I saw a large hand massaging my heart. The heart that contained the thorns that God wanted to remove was being gently worked and touched. The thorns that had grown and were deep in my heart’s flesh loosened a bit and were beginning to be worked out with each massage of this hand.
I took this to mean that God was indeed preparing the soil of my heart and starting the process of removal, but I knew instinctively that it wouldn’t be easy or fun. I didn’t know how or when it would begin, but I began to steel myself for it. I knew I had my husband’s love, support, and prayers, and I knew my dear BIL would also continue to lift me up to our loving Father God.
I will continue to chronicle the Story of the Thorns in upcoming posts.
His and his,