Forgiveness – full & true?

We are settling in to our new location and decorating our apartment.  It’s been a solid 15 yrs since I’ve lived in an apartment – there are definitely things I like (not having to do the maintenance ourselves) and things I’m not so crazy about (hearing the dog upstairs run around like a maniac at 10pm).  All in all, it’s God’s place for us for the time being down here and a good way to slip in to an area and get acclimated.

But a curious thing has happened as we get settled:  it’s been hard for me to put up a certain wall decoration because of the memories attached to it.  Or rather, the person attached to the item.  It’s a beautiful piece of woodwork that symbolizes our shared faith and experience with this person, but this person was at the base of my husband’s last “fall,” almost two years ago.  I forgave the other participant, but have been unsatisfied at the lack of face-to-face resolution in the matter.  Regardless, forgiveness isn’t based on having a face-to-face conversation or even having the other person apologize and accept responsibility.

So why is it so hard for me to hang this item up?  I truly do love it….

I was praying about this very issue today and God led me back to my own words in this blog.  I found my own words reflecting the heart of God back to me and being incredibly healing.  The person in question did indeed cause me and my family tremendous harm and pain.  But he isn’t defined by that moment – he is defined as a fellow sojourner on the path with me.  He is defined by his faith in Jesus and by the forgiveness that he and I both rely on.  He had a tremendously important part to play in my life and in my personal healing and was God’s instrument as I began the hard work of gardening in my soul.

That realization reminded me that indeed, he is forgiven.  By God, by my husband, and by me.  And I have been letting the Enemy run roughshod over my heart and mind lately by fretting about it – I’ve let Satan bring up things that are covered under the blood of Jesus and that are in the past, instead of remembering the good, healing times we had and how we were intertwined in a healthy way in each others’ lives for a while.

Our paths are separate and divergent, which is good.  I dreamt about this person last night and found myself sad about the way things worked out, but philosophical about the way some people are in our lives for a season and the length of that season isn’t often within our control.

So I’m going to hang this piece of art today – I have to decide where, but I want it up to remind me of the common heritage and the healing power of which he was a conduit.  I wish him the best and pray for him when he comes to my heart.  I was a different woman back then and God knew exactly what I needed, using another brother in the faith to provide it.  I’m grateful for that and what this piece represents.

Now if I could just find the hammer and nails as easily…

His and his,

This entry was posted on 161435H Jul 2010 and is filed under Anger, Forgiveness, Path to Healing, SSA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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