celebrating small victories

We saw our therapist last night and although it’s wasn’t an earth-moving experience, it wasn’t a bad one, either. At his suggestion and encouragement, I’m about to chronicle some small achievements and victories – because they help us keep perspective and feel like the meal we’ve before us (an elephant) is going down, one bite at a time.

The phone call I made the other night was followed up by a conversation the next day. All in all, it was a good conversation – it was one that gave me hope & encouragement. I found a group that supports spouses of those who struggle with SGA and spoke with one of the local facilitators in my area and found a kindred spirit, both in her experience and in her faith. I was thankful for the light that illuminated some of the darkness for me. My husband, however, had an entirely different take on it. He listened to whispered lies of the Enemy that said me getting support was the “beginning of the end” and that I was “preparing to leave him.” He proceeded to withdraw and become sullen.

The next morning, when the opportunity arose to ask him about his mood, I pressed him for a more specific answer than “something’s bothering me.” He admitted his fears and although part of me wanted to be pissed that he would have such little faith in me and knowledge of my intent, I chose instead to reaffirm my commitment and remind him that indeed, he is my soulmate. As the day progressed, I took opportunities to remind him that the only thing which could drive me away was him walking away from me (us) and embracing his addiction and struggle. As long as he moved closer to God and thereby closer to me, we would be fine.

The therapist gave him a chart to write on – one that marked old/wrong thoughts/fears/beliefs and allowed him to confront them cognitively and then redefine the wrong thinking with Biblical truth and practice. Loosely based on Joyce Meyer’s book The Battlefield of the Mind, it takes a sincere look at Romans 12:1-2 and allows the participant to renew his/her mind with the Truth of Scripture and to replace the lies of the Enemy this way.  And so my husband did just that – and is keeping it with him as a reminder when the Liar tries to bring fear to his mind and heart.  This is a major victory for him on many levels – in the past, he wouldn’t have told me what was bothering him (victory #1), told me his fear (victory #2), or confronted the lie with the Truth – cognitively and spiritually (victory #3).

He also has used that chart to help overcome his poor body image – and his (formerly-perceived) “faults.”  He has been able to shut down lies that held him captive for so long with the Truth from Scripture (Psalm 139:14) and the cognitive recognition that his body is exactly the way God designed it to be, not misformed or maladjusted at all.  This is more than huge for him – it’s paradigm-shifting.  Victory #4.

These are things worth celebrating so that when things are hard, we can look back and say that indeed, God has supported us in the past and He will continue to support us in the future.  As we look to the future, we make plans – together.  We plan to celebrate our anniversary in a new & meaningful way – because this past year has been so enormous and meaningful for us.  We are different people now than when we last celebrated our anniversary, and far different than we were when we married each other.

Mo anam cara – Gaelic for “my soulmate.”  What we have chosen to give each other for our anniversary gifts and what we are.  Soulmates.  Forever.

His and his,

This entry was posted on 031624H Feb 2009 and is filed under Awakening, Marriage Building, Sexual Assault, Thorns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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