06 Sep 2009

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes Turn and face the strange (Ch-ch-Changes) Don’t want to be a richer man Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes Turn and face the strange (Ch-ch-Changes) Just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can’t trace time David Bowie’s song “Changes” from the “changesONEbowie” album of 1984 seems to explain much of our lives […]

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03 Feb 2009

celebrating small victories

We saw our therapist last night and although it’s wasn’t an earth-moving experience, it wasn’t a bad one, either. At his suggestion and encouragement, I’m about to chronicle some small achievements and victories – because they help us keep perspective and feel like the meal we’ve before us (an elephant) is going down, one bite […]

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19 Dec 2008

Why is porn use so shameful?

Once again I find myself pondering deep questions and concepts and this seems to be a good place to hash some of this out.  So bear with me, if you will. In a discussion pertaining to pornography use and the shamefulness we see in those who partake and who are addicted, someone suggested that it’s […]

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18 Oct 2008

no white flags

Dido sings a song called “White Flag” that speaks to what I’m feeling right now: I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you, Or tell you that. But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it Where’s the sense in that? I promise I’m not trying to make your life […]

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29 Aug 2008

the next step

The next step for my husband and me is still largely unknown. I know different aspects of what it will look like, but many of the specifics are still veiled from us. As much as I like to have my ducks in a row and know what’s coming and when, God doesn’t always give me […]

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22 Jul 2008

The Fourth Thorn

As I mentioned in a previous post, God showed me that there were “thorns” in my heart that were symbolic of things that were done or said to me that I had neglected to deal with adequately at a previous time. These things had grown in to symbolic thorns that caused me continual pain and […]

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02 Jul 2008

repression

Most of us are familiar with the concept of repression, and to some extent, I think most of us probably engage in it from time to time. Me? Yeah, well… I’m the Queen of Repression. I’ve always been a peacemaker; that was sort of my place in my family while growing up. And in order […]

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01 Jul 2008

fear and doubt

When you’re dealing with sexual addiction and trust issues, how do you avoid fear and doubt? For me, these two things go hand in hand with dealing (or not dealing) with my husband’s addiction and our combined trust issues. Case in point: recently, I planned an anniversary celebration for the two of us. It took […]

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24 Jun 2008

in our own strength

When my husband and I were engaged, we both had baggage that we kept to ourselves. We didn’t share the secrets we harboured, but they tormented us with a ferocity that I didn’t understand at the time. My then-future-husband did know that I had been sexually assaulted in college and (apparently) challenged me on how […]

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23 Jun 2008

a scary admission

One night while my husband was IM’g a mentor-friend of his and I was on a different level of the house, reading, he came up and wanted to talk. It was still a time of new habits and newly-opened lines of communication, and so I made myself put the book down and focus on him. […]

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