confident femininity
In this day & age of feminist belief & practice, I’ve come in to the knowledge of who I am. And maybe these struggles in my life & marriage have helped me to realize that it’s okay to be who I am - even if I don’t conform to the world around me and what other women think I need to be.
I live in a particularly secular area of the US - I’m content to be here and do what God has asked us to do. But within my particular culture, women are expected to tow the line of hardcore feminism. In other words, “If you shave your legs, fine (said with a roll of the eyes), but don’t expect that I will, that I should, or that I’m happy you do.” It’s a cut-throat place where traditional femininity is seen as “weak” and “pathetic.”
And when I coupled that with my upbringing (oldest of three girls, taught to be strong and ferociously independent), I carved out a space for myself that eschewed traditional femininity. The requirement of skirts, dresses, etc., to attend church seemed pathetic to me (does God really care what I wear on Sunday mornings, or is it simply a fashion show for others in the congregation?). I donned pants and rarely looked back.
I seem to have come full-circle, though. I love skirts & dresses now - not because my husband told me (or asked me) to. Not because my religion says it’s required. Not because I have to. Because I want to.
I am a high-maintenance woman, not emotionally, but I do layers of things to myself so that my skin and hair are in good condition and I feel good about myself. I used to resent the time I spent, thinking that I was “unlucky” in that I needed to do these things and others didn’t. Now I revel in the time I get to spend on myself, the condition my skin is in, and quite frankly, how much younger I look because of it all. It’s not something I resent as much as it is something I pamper myself with.
All of which brought me to this realization: I am a strong woman who is feminine at her core. I can lift heavy things if I have to, but more often than not, there are men around who can do it for me if I ask. I don’t have to prove myself anymore. I don’t have to prove my worth by letting my legs grow shaggy or my skin or hair go unkempt - I can be a strong, vibrant woman who does those things for herself, not to herself. All of this is quite empowering and has brought me a to a place where right now I prefer to wear skirts & dresses, especially during the hotter summer months. In the winter, I’ll probably be back to pants and wool socks, and that’ll be okay.
But for now, I’m learning to appreciate who I am and to grow more confident in that identity. My husband is watching and seems slightly amused by it all, but I think he’s known this part of me existed for a while. It just took some time for me to come in to my own and to revel in it.
His and his,
~Cori
July 7th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I’m with you Cori, I love being a woman and all that comes with it. I can be strong and soft and have no problem letting my husband carry the heavy stuff. I’m still working on letting him open the car door for me, not because I don’t want him to - I love it - I just seem to get there before he does
I’d love to hear about how you take care of your skin and hair….I haven’t been able to find anything yet that really works for me.
Here’s to beauty counters, girl talk, high tea, high heels, power tools and pants!
Great Post!
Annalea
July 7th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Hi Cori,
So very wonderful to read your latest post. I am with you all the way, lady.
I have been going through very similar awakenings in my femininity since my sexual awakening last year. Strange how the two are closely linked so I have been nurturing this newly developing me.
I was also raised to do the job of a guy, wear the pants in the family, trained to deplore masculinity with a passion and generally a total wreck regarding being feminine… AND THEN I HAD TO RAISE DAUGHTERS…eek.
Your post added new fodder for my prayer support, Cori. Just love what God and you are doing in your life ‘-)
Annalea, just added your blog to my favs. Love what you have to say:
“Here’s to beauty counters, girl talk, high tea, high heels, power tools and pants”.
Will be reading and following your journey.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:07 am
Ladies -
you two put a smile on my face! Yes, the blog is pink and clearly written from a feminine perspective, but in some ways, I still feel as though I’m entering my own as a girly-girl.
And I love your line, Annalea - “here’s to beauty counters, girl talk, high tea, high heels, power tools, and pants.” 
(Welcome, btw. I’d love to chat more about what God is and has done in your marriage.)
WC - sometimes I wonder, as much as I wanted a daughter, if God didn’t give us a son intentionally. I mean, of course He did, but my DH’s perception of what women are/do/how they act is quite warped from his upbringing, so he’s learning along with our son. But somehow in all of this (being the only XX chromosome in a houseful of XYs), I have the privilege of modeling strength, beauty, and flippy short skirts. Our son is clearlly a BOY (and all that goes along with that), but he observes and processes things that I do and how I respond, and this gives me the privilege of showing him Godly womanhood & femininity. I’d still like a daughter, but my daughter might just end up being a daughter-in-law.
I’ll put another comment here re: beauty regimen.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:22 am
So I have fair skin (I burn no matter how many freckles have popped out) and red hair. I don’t know if most redheads have dry skin, but my baby sister & both have alligator-skin if left unmoisturized, and we’re both carrot-tops.
For my body, I really like Olay’s Quench moisturizer. Even though my skin is über-dry, their “normal-to-dry” keeps me quite soft & scale-free.
For my face, I ? L’Oreal’s Revitalift Daily Anti-Wrinkle Concentrate. It takes me about 6 months to go through a 1oz tube and this stuff makes an ENORMOUS difference. http://is.gd/1qZ3N . I use this around my eyes, on my forehead, and around my mouth and then use Garnier Nutritioniste Ultra-lift on my cheeks & neck. I’ve never smoked and all of my moisturizer has an SPF-factor, but this stuff keeps my face looking young enough to get carded when I buy wine at the grocery.
Make-up? I’m a total Bare Escentuals girl. This stuff made an *amazing* difference in my skin shortly after our son was born. Their makeup is light, natural, and has no preservatives that irritate my skin or make me break-out with pimples. I use L’oreal Double Extend Beauty Tubes ( http://is.gd/1qZiE ) for mascara, and have more lipsticks and lip glosses than I know what to do with.
My DH regularly reminds me that I only have two lips - and then wants to know why I need so many lip colours. 
Silly man! LOL
Anyhow, feel free to let me know what products you like - it’s a cyber-tea-party!
I’m always interested in different products for beautification. 
July 10th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Hi Cori,
Regarding your blossoming womanhood, it has been interesting to realize that my sexual awakening and my perception of femininity are interlinked. I have been literally putting myself, and prior beliefs about womanhood, through the ringer whilst reforming my image.
I have been going to the gym, blitzing my wardrobe to virtually nothing and generally reinventing myself. Also get onto sites like ChristianNymphos and others, as well as yours, in my effort to realign my thinking processes.
I have scoured through plenty of self help books from the library and an honest humility has shown me that I did not have a clue about what a REAL woman is like.
My mother and her family of 4 sisters were my women mentors plus a few other masculinely-oriented women, through the years.
The worst damage was done as a newly committed, passionately devoted, Christian wife and mother. The older women in the church destroyed my ideals of a feminine woman with their hatred of their men and children. Awful to get over through this past year.
I have spent much time re-forming my mental images of what I believe God would have me become as a passionately, sensual, Christian woman. Completely different to the usual women in the church.
And now to beauty stuff…whahoo.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Hi Cori,
Reading your post about cosmetics was a joy to my soul. I love this subject and spend inordinate amounts of time oiling and babying my skin which is English and ultra sensitive to the sun. I baked/suntanned as a child and teen and am paying the piper now.
Loved your listing of what you use as I have asked God to lead me to what would be good to try for my skin. There are so many products available but I am too busy to try this and that and our budget is still very child focused.
I am a brunette but have the same type of fair skin as you do so am going to try what you have been using and see if I can feel less lizardy!! There are so many products available yet I am too busy to try this and that and our budget is still very child focused.
Thx for your posts. Love them
July 12th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Okay…I’m SO wanting to sit with the two of you ladies over some delicious snacks sipping copious amounts of mint-laced sweet iced tea and just get to know you better!
Thanks for checking out my blog! I’m really enjoying putting our story out there and giving couples some hope. So, anytime either of you want to talk shop in the way of marriage…I’m here and willing.
WC - something you said about the older women from your church destroying your ideal of femininity made me stop and think. My guess is that their husbands weren’t loving them the way that God called them to; not blessing them, lifting them up, not honoring them, etc. ad nauseum. This is enough to make any woman bitter especially when they’ve been reaised to submit to the leadership of a man who isn’t submissive to God’s leadership in his own life.
Cori - something you said about God not giving you any girls to raise stirred something within me that is still forming in my heart and mind. I also don’t have any daughters of my own and my step-daughter is a real tom-boy (beautiful as all get out and hides her light under a bushel as it were). Anyhow….there’s something there that requires some exploring and prayer.
Absolutely love Bare Minerals! Gives great coverage without looking at all heavy. I’m a brunette with olive-toned skin. My skin has changed so much since my last pregnancy two years ago. It’s much drier than before and I loath the sun/age spots on my face which, of course, intesified during pregnancy as well. My skin is sensative and I’ve yet to find anything that does what I really want it to. Sigh…still looking though. Probably the best moisterizer for my body that I’ve ever used is extra virgin olive oil (recommended by a massage therapist that uses it as a carrier oil) scented with lemon verbena essential oil (actually, you could use any scent you wish) and virgin coconut oil. Both are terrific and their internal benefits are absorbed into your body through your skin; so….it’s kind of a win win situation!
July 13th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Funny enough, I wrote a whole screed earlier about my long love affair with extra virgin olive oil but thought I may sound backwoodsish!!
I used nothing but olive oil on my baby bellies (7 of them) and have a few white stretch marks on my mons area and that is it. Amazing considering the fact that I am an English skinned brunette with a skin which baulks at every sun ray it feels.
Gosh, the sun is literally cooking me nowadays. I am 46 and have noticed the actual heat of the sun roasting me steadily. Checked with a dermatologist and although I have sun damage, he did not growl at me too fiercely. He recommended a zinc oxide/titanium based sunscreen made by Elta MD SPF 30. I can feel the difference in the feeding and screening this lotion is providing so am happy for now.
I mix my olive oil with gorgeously fragrant Clarins body oils which make a sensual experience of oiling my face and body. With maturing skin,I now have to oil my entire body every night.
Found out about coconut oil from the Nymphos site and love, love it. However, it is a useless moisturizer for my skin ! Strange I know yet it rests on top and does not absorb. Sun damage thus tough outer layered skin…?
Oh, how I love coconut oil.
Oh, and my husband requests ‘OUR’ coconut oil when he loves on me, he enjoys the smell and flavor
July 13th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Are either of you ladies on Twitter or Facebook?
Here’s my info:
http://www.twitter.com/michaelannalea
http://www.profile.to/annaleasommerville
yourmarriagerestored@gmail.com