my heart | his heart

Life has been incredibly busy here.  Not in a bad way, mind you, but so much that my writing has fallen off the planner pages, for the most part.  I have posts to publish about how we as wives relate to our husbands, about how my expectations have been turned upside down (but my husband’s expectations haven’t – yet), and more.  But right now, my brain is full from yesterday’s activities.

I went to NARTH’s annual conference – or rather, a one-day track for the public who aren’t members of NARTH.  The National Association for the Research & Therapy of Homosexuality is having its annual convention right now, and for the first time ever, opened up a day for the public.  I went to learn more about the current modalities and methodologies in therapy for homosexuality, as this is my intended focus within my next degree, but also to represent a ministry we’re involved in to other members of the public.

It was a fabulous day of knowledge-gathering for me – my notebook is crammed, my brain even more-so.  I met amazing people, listened to learned researchers, and heard from hurting families looking for hope.  I drove through a pack of protestors outside the hotel and avoided open confrontation with them inside the hotel, and generally had an extremely tiring but incredibly fulfilling day.  After driving through the protestors and reading a sign that said, “What Would Jesus Do?” I thought, “Jesus would smile, wave, and love you.”  So that’s exactly what I did:  I smiled, waved, and loved them.

The topic of therapy for gays is definitely a hot issue in our society today, but one thing that was made crystal clear is this:  no one is advocating therapy for someone who doesn’t want it.  No one is forcing “change” on anyone who is content in his/her lifestyle and doesn’t want to change their orientation.  Likewise, no one should force someone who WANTS to change to stay the way they are.  I think if we change the topic from sexual orientation to something of a less-hot-topic nature, the issue becomes less clouded.

Imagine, if you will, a group of 100 people, all of whom are at an “overweight” status (based on national benchmarks).  Of that 100 people, 70 of them are either content with their body shape/size/image or don’t care, and are by default, okay with how they look.  30 people, however, are not okay with their body shape/size/image and desire to lose weight.  Without looking at modality of weight loss and whether or not it’s effective long-term in changing behaviour patterns, lifestyles, or anything else, will the 70 who are content FORCE the 30 who are discontent and want to change their lifestyle to continue to be overweight?  How does that bode for self-care, longterm mental health, etc., of those who want to change?   Would protestors block efforts for those who want to be on a weight-reduction program?  Would they picket every Weight Watchers meeting, or post hate-messages on boards with access to Atkins programs?

Obviously, I don’t want to strip the seriousness out of the discussion by taking my metaphor too far.  But you see how, once we remove the emotionality that surrounds the politics of sex, how much more absurd the ‘debate’ seems?  No one is advocating kidnapping members of the LGBT community and forcing them in to therapy against their will.  If you are LGBTQ and have no desire to change and are content in your lifestyle, more power to you!  But for those with an unwanted SSA, the idea that change is possible is one filled with hope.  Much like the 30 people in my metaphor, they want to change.  To tell them that change is impossible, immoral, or wrong absolutely strips them of all hope.

But just because change is possible doesn’t mean it looks the same for everyone.  One of the things that I found encouraging was a therapist-friend’s testimony of change yesterday.  He asserts that his orientation has changed (just like my husband professes), but that his change in orientation also possesses some challenges.  His legitimate needs for non-sexual male-bonding and affirmation are still there – and he said that if doesn’t meet those needs, he feels as though his symptoms of SSA could re-emerge.  This doesn’t mean he’s repressed, as critics will argue, but it means that his legitimate emotional needs are linked to his unwanted SSA.

Some people don’t find a reduction of SSA desires in therapy, but find a much better, healthier understanding of themselves, a sense of boundaries, and are better people overall because of the therapy.  Does that mean that the therapy failed?  No – because no psychological treatment modality of any kind can profess a 100% success rate – ever. I really do believe that change is possible for all motivated individuals, but what that final outcome looks like is different for everyone.  But research has shown that no harm comes to those who seek therapy for sexual orientation – in fact, their overall rates of suicide and depression are less than what they are before and even during treatment.

Back to my point about stripping hope from strugglers – to me, this is one of the cruelest things we could do to each other as people.  People grow, change, and find all sorts of ways to achieve Maslow’s apex of self-actualization.  To tell someone who has an unwanted trait that it’s pointless to try to change and that changing that trait might actually harm them is beyond the pale.  If we say that we love each other and want to support each other, that also means supporting each other as we grow and change – even if the change is something that I personally don’t want.  What kind of a wife would I be if I didn’t support my husband through this and instead allowed my mis-perceptions and prejudices to say, “No, I will not support you while you attempt to change.  You cannot change, you will not change, and I don’t love you enough to stand by while you attempt this”?  I wouldn’t be a wife – I’d be an ex-wife.

The pain is great for strugglers and the spouses who love them – no question.  Our sexual identity is a core-issue and helps to define so much in our personal worldview.  One of the things I gleaned from during yesterday’s presentations, however, is that change is possible, and resources are out there for those who want to change.  My links in the sidebar will reflect new groups who help to facilitate change.

The Christian Nymphos have interviewed me about our journey with each other, as impacted by SSA.  It’s my prayer that the interview will shine light for people who aren’t on this path with us, and the God will use my words to change hearts for His glory.

You can read the whole interview here.

Most of the time, I recognize that my husband’s struggle with SGA isn’t about me.  I’ve said it a thousand times if I’ve said it once:  it feels like it’s about me, but that’s just because it impacts me.  I didn’t make him struggle and he struggled long before I met him and came in to his life.

But here’s where it is about me:  when fear lives inside my head.

I normally don’t cotton to fear – I acknowledge it and send it packing, inviting the Holy Spirit in to banish it forever, instead.  I’m also not living in fear now – but I will admit that it’s been a little harder this go-around than in the past.

I woke up this morning from a dream that we were moving (we are) and I was packing (I am).  Here’s where it gets weird and uncomfortable for me:  in the dream, I pulled out some large device (an oven or washing machine, maybe?) and hidden behind the appliance was evidence of my husband self-medicating again.  I woke up and drifted back to sleep quickly.

I mentioned the dream to my beloved this morning, sort of as a “hey, I had this dream….” conversation and told him how disturbed I was by the dream, but I didn’t know where it all came from.  I haven’t consciously been concerned about him self-medicating for many months now – maybe even 6 months.  I haven’t even given a passing thought to the idea that his SGA is returning or that he’s actively pursuing it.  We live in a transparent marriage and we’re both honest and open with each other as part of our intimacy.  So where did this come from and why am I writing about it?

I honestly believe that dreams are an avenue for spiritual attack.  I’m highly intuitive and live “inside of myself” most of the time.  Because my intuition is a road that the Holy Spirit uses in my life to communicate with me and dreams are often a part of that communication, I believe the enemy also invades that “open road” when he can.  So at its core, this dream is spiritual and an active attack against me; an attack that is designed to put fear in me and get my eyes off of Jesus.

Part of where This is About Me (meaning, the SGA journey) is this:  my husband can do all good things and be above reproach, allowing God to continue to heal him, but if I live in fear, his struggle is reduced to me.  I’ve essentially moved him off of whatever God is doing (and focusing on that) to focusing on me, my fear, my worry, and proving himself to me.  Now, were all of those things necessary at some point?  Yes – because trust was broken and addressing worry, fear, and proving oneself is all part of restoring and rebuilding trust.  But it is a finite aspect of our relationship and I’ve far moved past it.

Where it becomes destructive is if I can’t leave that place of fear and distrust. If I cannot give my concerns and worries to God and let Him do His work in me while He’s also working in my husband, then I’m being counter-productive and damaging our relationship.  And if I’m honest, I’m also dooming our marriage, because a successful marriage needs two individuals who love and trust each other.  If I’m not willing to trust my husband, then for all practical purposes, I’m dooming our relationship.

Bringing this full-circle, I’ve banished my fears from the dream and moved on.  The enemy would like nothing more than to have me dwell on the “what ifs” instead of what God is actually doing.  Just as my husband’s journey is a refining fire for him, God is using his journey to refine ME as well.  I can squelch His work in my life by choosing to live in fear, or I can choose to cooperate and be part of The Bigger Picture and give my fear to Him.

I’m choosing to be an active participant and allow God to make this journey about Him, not about me.

God hasn’t given me a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

The song “Beautiful Things” by Gungor was played at the CPM conference; it’s also one in rotation at our church. It’s currently one of my favourite worship songs, because it reminds me that no matter how messed up my life is, God can still make something amazing from it. He created everything with words and us out of dust – He can certainly take the broken parts of my life and turn them in to beauty for His glory!

Whether or not you have recognized your brokenness or you’re still discovering ways in which you are broken, please know that all of the pieces of you are loved by God, cherished by Him, and that He wants to make you whole. Sexual brokenness, emotional brokenness, spiritual brokenness…. it’s all the same and it’s all covered under the blood of Jesus. He died to make us whole and to turn awful, broken messes in to beautiful things.

On this day which we remember His sacrifice for us, may it speak to you, wherever your broken parts are.

His and his,
~Cori

I commented a few days ago to a group of strugglers and their spouses that those of us who are spouses are “armour bearers” and affirmed how deeply this journey with our spouses affects us.  Like most of us

photo © 2007 Myrrien | more info (via: Wylio)married to strugglers, my friend has noticed how callous society is towards those who have an unwanted sexual brokenness.  It’s not that any of us strive for or desire to be broken sexually, but some embrace it.  And the world understands that – it’s the fighting against the brokenness that they don’t understand.  And they reject it, often making fun of it and of those who struggle.

It’s painful to be in a place where you watch the one you love fight and swim upstream, only to be mocked and ridiculed by voices that are loud and uncomprehending.  My friend did what any tender-hearted person would do; she removed the source of the ridicule (the world calls it “a joke,” but believe me – it’s not funny).

As spouses, we are often thrust in to situations where we must defend and protect our spouses. Sometimes it’s against family members who simply don’t understand or have bias/hatred in their hearts.  Sometimes it’s against friends who cannot accept clearly defined boundary lines or revelatory explanations.  And sometimes it’s against our rapidly-declining culture.  In the case of the latter, it often feels pervasive.  We might see or hear something in the media that mocks our journey and struggle.  We might hear someone at church or work say something like, “Oh, that’s gay!” when they really mean, “Lame!”  The words and attitudes are everywhere and even when they’re expressed in jest, they can hurt.

I wrote a while back about being my husband’s “Eowyn.”  I think all spouses, whether or not we realize it or are ready to accept it, are armour-bearers to our strugglers.  Whether they struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction or some other form of sexual brokenness, we are called to walk this out with them, courtesy of our wedding vows. This is definitely part of the “for worse” section of “for better or for worse” in our vows, and I believe God honours our commitment to our spouses.

But what does it mean to be an armour-bearer?  To me, it means that I help carry my husband’s armour when he goes in to battle with the Enemy, but I also hold up the shield and provide him a place to rest and recuperate when the battle goes long and he is wounded or not strong enough to hold up the shield on his own.  It means that I have to be prayed-up, armoured-up, and strong – because there are no time-outs in spiritual warfare.  There’s no “second string” waiting in the wings to relieve us.  It’s me (or it’s you), relying on the Lord for strength, courage, and wisdom to know how to help our spouse fight this battle.

The pressure is great and the battles are real.  Our enemy is always roaming, seeking whom he may devour, and if your spouse is struggling against sexual brokenness, the enemy’s gunning for you, because a tale of healing and God’s victory in this is a death knell to him.  If God wins in this struggle, others will break free as well – so he’s fighting us, tooth & nail.  This isn’t meant to discourage you, but rather to encourage you, because The Father has given us an unending armoury, full of weapons for this sort of warfare. But we have to be strong and willing to wield the tools He gives us, as well.  So strengthen yourself through prayer and spending time in the Word, and pick up your shields and weapons and join me. Because I’m in this battle as much as you are – and the lives of our families depend on it.

I’m including this clip from “The Return of the King” – one of the best parts of this clip is the absolute terror in eyes of the enemy troops when Theoden’s army continues on in the face of opposition.  The Enemy will come against you, but be determined and plow forward – the Enemy will cower in terror because you are accompanied by the power of God.

Go forth and fear no darkness – our God is with us!

His and his,

~Cori

photo © 2008 Mike Melrose | more info (via: Wylio)
A while ago, I wrote about how I’ve become confident and comfortable in my femininity.  It’s taken me a while to realize why this change took place, but I had a flash of insight at the CPM conference.

I commented that once my husband started to leave his passivity behind him, I was able to take off my pants and get my leg out of his, as well.  I think it was Desmond Tutu who said that nature abhors a vacuum – and in our lives, that meant that I got to step up and take on some masculine responsibilities because my husband wasn’t able/willing to do it.

I recognized a long time ago how much I hated this – I hated being the pursuer in our sex life (although at that point, it was barely passable as a sex-life).  I hated making all the decisions about life, budget, family, housing, bills, etc.  I was tired and more than ready for my husband to step up to the plate and relieve me.  Not that he had to then make ALL of the decisions, but that if he shouldered his responsibility’s worth, I would have some breathing room.  He wasn’t able to do this for the longest time.

Even after reading Captivating by Stasi & John Eldredge and communicating my need for a break to my husband, he was unable to do it for me.  My feminine heart was aching from doing things for both of us and bearing all the pressure.  In all fairness, my husband’s masculine heart was hurting, too – but not from carrying the weight of our lives; from carrying the weight of his struggle and the abuse perpetrated on him as a child.  He wasn’t cognizant of the abuse at that point, but it was there, weighing him down with invisible chains.

Once the bondage was broken, I began to see a new man.  A man who was able (and willing!) to take the reigns and engage me as we talked about family plans, about child-rearing strategies, about budgetary concerns.  He even began to be more of a pursuer in our intimate life, rather than letting me pursue him!

Somewhere in his growth came my freedom.  My freedom to be uniquely feminine.  Not because I had to, not because a church told me to.  But because I wanted to.  It’s as though all the shackles fell off of me at the same time my pants did.  I didn’t walk around naked, but put on my prettiest skirt one morning just because I could.  I flounced down the stairs and felt so amazingly … free.  It was a warm spring day in my former location and the windows were open.  Because of my newfound sense of freedom, it was a memorable day for me, but there were many more like it to follow.

The next time I went to the store, there was a darling skirt on the clearance rack – one that went home with me.  After that, I wasn’t to be seen in pants until winter, when it was just too cold to wear skirts that were cute and not frumpy.  Despite my newfound freedom, it came with the inner responsibility to avoid frumpiness.  I already homeschooled; the last thing I needed was to add denim skirts and Keds to my wardrobe so I would fit in with the independent fundamentalist church in town.  So longjohns and Citiknits pants came out in the winter, and skirts showed up as soon as it was 55F and above.

Since that day, I’ve come to revel in my long hair, make-up, and skirts.  My shoes are still comfortable (Birkenstocks), but come in a variety of colours to coordinate.  Naturally. <grin>

I honestly don’t think this transformation to my inner girly-girl would have been possible without my husband being able to step-up to fully-embracing his masculine-self.  As he began to step out of his porn addiction and let God do an amazing work in his heart, he ended up freeing me to be… well, me.

I’m so very grateful.

His and his,
~Cori

photo © 2006 David Goehring | more info (via: Wylio)
The tagline on the blog used to read “one wife’s journey through her husband’s sexual addiction to wholeness and healing.”   I changed that this morning to read “one wife’s journey through her husband’s sexual brokenness to wholeness and healing.”

Why the change?

I think “sexual brokenness” more aptly describes our journey – while he is still a sexual addict, as we talk and process, we realize that the addiction stems from a deeper brokenness.  He doesn’t have many presenting problems like an addict does at this point, but like the alcoholic who knows that he is just one bottle of Jägermeister away from another bender, he stays on guard at all times.  God has been incredibly faithful in that the closer my husband moves to Him, the less he feels the slavish pull of the pornography, of the inappropriate emails or chats, and of looking at images that are designed to tempt and elicit excitement.  My intuition flashes at times, but less than before.

The sexual brokenness is the root of all of his issues – the acting out, the communication issues, the fear and trepidation that comes from wondering if he’ll be rejected by someone who doesn’t understand the differences between temptation and following through on temptation….  It’s appealing at times to want to justify it all with the CSA he was subjected to as a young child.  And while that abuse is the source of his sexual brokenness, he recognizes his own responsibility in his journey as well.

And so I’ve changed the tagline – I am married to a sexually broken man. One whom Jesus is putting back together, one piece at a time, and one who loves me as much as any broken human can, because we are all broken in some way.  My journey to is to continue alongside him, allowing Jesus to heal my brokenness in the process.

His and his,
~Cori

photo © 2010 Marlon Cureg | more info (via: Wylio)
Most of us who are married to people with SGA who fight against that unwanted inclination are deep believers. We believe in our spouses and we often believe in the power of God to make changes.

If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here – we’d have listened to the message of the world a long time ago and bolted. I can only speak for myself, but I suspect that many other spouses of SGA strugglers are the same: I saw the beautiful side of my husband and fell in love. The side that is gentle, protects me, cherishes me, and has a heart that God adores. And he loves God as well – that part was a non-negotiable for me.

I saw my husband’s potential when we were courting and engaged, as well.  I didn’t know about his struggle back then, but if I had, I honestly don’t think it would’ve changed my mind about him.  I thought about that this weekend – I met many women who were aware of their fiancés’ SGA and chose to marry them anyhow.  It really got me thinking about our lives – I was incredibly insecure in my femininity back then and came from a family background that contributed to my insecurity.  But I loved who my then-fiancé was. I think I would have prayed about it and moved ahead anyhow – because I was attracted to him as a person and I knew that he loved me.  As it turned out, my husband wasn’t in a place to acknowledge his struggle back then – he was living a double-life and lying to himself as well as to me (albeit tacitly back then).

Over the past 16 years, though, I’ve come to a place where I believe in my husband’s potential more than ever.  He wants to be a strong man, a man after God’s own heart, a man who tenderly cares for his wife and family.  He strives for it, and yet, for the first 13 years, struggled with his demons that kept him from being all he wanted and desired to be.  Seeing it with hindsight’s clarity at this point, I can say a few things for other spouses who are seeking hope when hope seems to have vacated the premises:

• Believe in the spouse you have – the one you fell in love with.  If you need help remembering why you fell in love in the first place, go back to photos of your courtship, any cards or letters you exchanged and kept, and peruse them.  Allow yourself to remember what drew you to him/her in the first place.  Whenever I do this, I get weepy – my husband knew me so well back then and our bond and intimacy has deepened since then.  It’s fun to remember how we only had eyes for each other and everyone else would get shut out of our vision when we talked to each other.
• Pray.  Ask God to give you eyes to see your spouse with His eyes.  I know this sounds like an old Amy Grant song, but do it anyhow.  God will replace your vision of the hurts and pain with His vision of the person He created your spouse to be.  This renewed vision will make it easier to be compassionate, empathic, and loving in hard times.
• Pray some more and ask God to show you your spouse’s potential.  God’s Spirit will put His dreams in your heart for your spouse and help you see His future for your family.  Communicate this positive potential to your spouse and pray together (more on that later, when I talk about developing intimacy after dealing with hard, secretive stuff).
• Tell your spouse.  Write notes, give cards, or send texts/emails to your spouse to communicate how much you believe in him/her.  My husband has said (in retrospect) how much my belief in him and my faithfulness to him meant to him, even at his lowest points.  I stayed because God specifically told me to stay, but the communication of my love, faith in God and faith in him, and hope for the future was used by God in his heart.

Most of all, I want to express how important it is to not believe the lies the world will tell you.  You are not a chump, not a fool, and not lacking in healthy boundaries (well, you might have boundary issues, but it’s not from believing in your struggling spouse).  If you are a Christ-follower, you know somewhere deep down that God called you two together and made you soulmates.  Pull from that knowledge and belief and don’t believe that you “need to take another lover,” or “open your marriage” or “let him/her go to live The Lifestyle.”  If your spouse is struggling, it’s a sign that he/she wants to remain in a heterosexual marriage, working out God’s plan for his/her life.  That deserves encouragement and cheering.

Be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader.

His and his,
~Cori

We’re back from Midland and the Marriage & Mentors Conference … what a wild weekend!  It was such a relief to be in a place where it was ‘safe’ to be ourselves and know that we were all there to support each other and learn.  I had been thinking about and praying for some people who got stuck in my heart at last year’s conference and they were there, continuing to fight the good fight and looking marvelous.  :)

We met some new friends who possess more years of healing than we have and are incredibly wisephoto © 2008 Christina | more info (via: Wylio)

words/counsel.  We met some amazing mentors as well – and gleaned from their years of experience and wisdom.

As we pondered our time away (and celebrated our 16th anniversary while we were away), I realized what bubbled up the most:  hope.  The movie “Hope Floats” from several years ago and the line about hope always floating to the top lines up with my experience and what’s in my heart.

As participants in the conference, we were part of 154 people who were ministered to by the people of Stonegate Fellowship out of love.  No obligation, just humble servant hearts.  The wounds that we all carry are being healed with small kindnesses.  I dropped Mike a note today and told him that SGF has figured out what it means to Do Justice, to Love Mercy, and to Walk Humbly.

As couples who deal with SGA, we rarely experience justice.  Most Christians don’t know what to do with us, so they sideline us, making it safe to only stay in the closet.  Most churches lump us in with people who are looking for LGBT “justice” or who are twisting the Gospel message to meet a political agenda.  SGF has figured out that standing for what is right and representing Jesus to hurting people is indeed justice – and they do it time and again when others attack them for their stance.

And as far as mercy?  Most of the compassion and mercy we experience comes from our closest, safest friends.  Not from strangers we’ve never met who offer to put on a conference for free, who will pick us up at the airport, shuttle us to the hotel and the church, pick up random things at the store when we need them (thank you, Terri!), and who will hug us freely.  They feed us amazing food, decorate the tables, and provide goodie bags and snacks – more than any of us would normally eat at any given time.  All in an effort to make us feel “normal” and loved.  That’s mercy at its finest.

The people who serve us at this conference say that they are more blessed than we are by what they do – that could be an all-day argument, honestly.  But to hear them say it, they’ve learned to deal with their junk because of the naked honesty with which we deal with ours.  And God has used our struggles to change hearts and minds and remove bigotry… all of which requires a humble walk with Jesus and a moldable heart.

So how does all of that bring me back to hope?

I looked around the “afterglow table” late Saturday night and in to Sunday morning and saw people who came in with their defenses up after years of struggle, hurt, and pain and within 48 hours, had left their pain by the side of the road.  They were smiling, holding hands, and looking relaxed.  There was hope there.  And I reflected that the hope was tangible – I could sense it for them, for us, and for our children.  Our futures are bright and hope is present in the person of Jesus.

That is not to say that our futures are easy or will be without a hard fight.  We’ve learned enough through the years to know that what God plants, the Enemy will try to come in and steal.  But the legacy we’re creating of health and honesty beats the history we’ve been given of hiding and deceit.  I’m telling you, the hope is so tangible, I feel as though I could reach out and touch it.

I’ve got much rolling around in my noggin after this weekend that needs to come out, so I’ll be back soon.  If you’re reading and were at the M&M conference, know that we’re praying for you.  Email me (myhearthisheart AT gmail DOT com) if you need something specific and we’ll be here for you.

His and his,
~Cori

I haven’t done much writing on this blog for while – we’re moving forward in our new location, with a new congregation, and with a new group of friends and are muddling through fairly well.  We’re about to embark upon a new segment of our journey in a new form of therapy, but we have to figure out the logistics of it (childcare, time, distance, etc.).

Why the therapy if we’re doing well?  It’s become increasingly apparent that the abuse my husband suffered is farther-reaching than we first thought. He’s become a new person since unlocking the secrets his mind held from him, but there is more.  His memory gap goes up until about age 9, coincidentally, the age at which he ceased sucking his thumb.  The abuse started at about age 2.5-3 and continued on for many years – the only memories my husband has are those that were commonly spoken of in the family or ones he can associate with photos of an event.  Other than that, he’s got nothing.

So we have reached out to a therapist in our new locale who practices a type of therapy in the Emotional Freedom Technique-vein.  It sounds weird, but it’s regionally tapping on the body while talking about events in life and reprogramming one’s mind.  There’s something about tapping systematically that allows the mind to release what it’s hiding and the negative beliefs about oneself leave as well.  It is interesting, as this is a faith-based program, and my husband is excited about the potential.

He commented a week or so ago, “I can’t imagine WHAT I can do and WHO I can finally be once this is behind me!”  His desire to pursue this is huge and he so very much wants to see what he can achieve with his healed self.  So we’ll be pursuing that – and chances are, I’ll be decompressing here when we do.  This is a safe outlet for me and one where our journey can encourage others simultaneously.

We’re also headed back to Midland, TX for the Marriage & Mentors Conference by CrossPower Ministries.  We went last year and absolutely were blown away with all the church did for us, a couple affected by SGA. They didn’t know us from Adam & Eve and absolutely loved us like no one had before.  We learned much (it was like drinking from a fire hydrant for three days) and returned home as two very different people – willing to take down our masks and let ourselves be known for who we are and what we deal with.

God has cleared the way for this year’s trip as well – care for our son, a fare (on our favourite carrier) that we could afford, and even a deal on parking at the airport that gives us a 67% savings!  :)  Now that the airfare is purchased, I’m breathing a sigh of relief and can actually start to get a little excited for the trip.

So  we’re hanging in there and feel like we’re in a good place.  We continue to learn and find new things (daily) that force us to rely on God alone for strength and power, but we know He’s here with us, guiding us and getting us ready for our next step.